Its been almost a month ki, after your passing. The house feels so empty without u waking me up everyday asking me to help in by buying your favourite Tanglin Nasi Lemak and not forgetting to take your newspaper from the post box once ive done buying your breakfast. Helping you order daim from suraya, picking up your lunch from komo, kedey kamek, mi rebus.
My mutuals would know how important you are in my life. I will always mention you and wang wherever i go. They know how significant you are in my life. I really really thought i was going to be okay, but i guess i am still unable to process my emotions easily. I get vulnerable too sometimes, though people around me see me as the strong one but deep down, im far from the word itself.
Having you, atuk and pakyang leaving really made me feel like I lost a part of me. Honestly, i was still unable to grieve properly since the day pakyang left as i was so busy with this semester that i had no time to process it. I just swallowed it and distract myself. The three of u mean most to me.
Ki, i will always cheerish our moments together. I know you will not like me to be sad all the time. Im trying my best ki, for you, for wang and for mama. I know you’re in a better place because you are in Allah’s care now. Thank you ki for letting me use your car during exam week, for sending me to my asrama back in maahad and also in mrsm. Thank you for giving me sudden pocket monies, taking me to places i never imagine i would step foot. For picking me up every friday at MRT when i finished my classes. Datang shah alam just to take me out for lunch, for sending me everytime to my exam centre. Layan my karenah when we go to jaseema by buying me pencil cases everytime when i was smaller.
I miss you so much ki and it pains me it hurts me awfully. I will never forget all of your advices. We had a really long deep talk ki on the day I least expected was the last day i met you and im so grateful for that. Not a day goes by without me missing you ki.
Pakyang and atuk, thank you for supporting me, for believing that i can. I was really helpless during my CAT, and was at the edge of changing courses but both of u give me hope. I am always indebted for what both of you did and for that i will do my best in taking good care of wan, the children when they’re older. I will miss both of your dad jokes, your serious faces when giving me advices. Our holiday trips together, every moments i had with the both of you will be missed awfully.
The three of you, if you’re reading this, I will do my very best to finish what I started and will always, always keep all of you in my dua’s.
Love, Anis
p/s : if all of you could spare me a moment to sedekah Al fatihah for these heroes of mine. I would be humbly thankful.
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